Shared grief: Something in common with a new friend

(First appeared in The Baldwin Times/Gulf Coast Media, 1-23-26)

“Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve had only wonderful things happen to you.”– Mary Tyler Moore

Jim Watson shared that quote with me recently.

“This really resonates with me after caring for Brooke as she battled cancer for almost two years,” he said.

I have some things in common with this new friend of mine. There is the obvious one — he lost his wife of more than 40 years, Brooke, to cancer in 2022. I lost Dorinda to cancer in April 2025, a few months shy of 2026, the year that would have held our 40th anniversary.

This is Jim’s story, and I’ll let him tell it in his words below.

First, though, some background. We have developed a friendship after meeting here in August. Over a few conversations, I have discovered our path runs parallel in several ways. We’re both members of a couple of local organizations, which is how we initially met thanks to a mutual friend. He has a son and a daughter. Me, too. He has a son-in-law named Justin. Me, too.

He has a brother living near Bremerton, Washington, a place I’ve heard about only because my dad spent a lot of time there during World War II, where he served in the Navy aboard the USS Idaho.

Jim and I each moved here after losing our wives. We had planned on making the move with them by our side.

And both of us travel often to visit our children and grandchildren — Jim’s travels just take a little longer. Mine go along I-65 North toward Wetumpka and Florence. His take him, by air, from Pensacola to New York to visit his son. Then from there, on to Amsterdam to see his daughter and those two grands, the oldest being named after his wife. About a thousand bucks a trip, but well worth it.

“I call it my quarterly check-ins,” Jim said.

And of course, we grieve. Sometimes in the same way. Sometimes differently.

Here is Jim’s story, outlined here as a sort of Q&A.

Q: Can you reflect on your trip overseas ahead of the holidays — your time with your daughter and grandchildren. What were some of your favorite moments?

Jim: “Spending time with my grandkids is definitely special. Although they live in Amsterdam, I make an effort to see them about every three months. Obviously, I enjoy seeing my daughter Caroline and son-in-law, Justin, too, but they know the real reason I visit. My last trip was to help Justin take care of the girls, Brooke and Josie, while my daughter did a weekend trip in Paris. We did OK caring for them, but honestly it was a bit chaotic! It rained every day, but we managed to get the girls out for dinner and some activities.”

Q: Then you went back to New York to welcome in the new year with both your children and grandchildren. What was most memorable?

Jim: “We had the entire family together for the week of New Years in New York. (My son, Henry, and his husband, Craig, live in Brooklyn.) Since Caroline and Justin once lived in New York, we spent a lot of time in the city with them reminiscing. The whole family rode the subways into the city, and I think Brooke really enjoyed riding on the “train.” Again, I spent as much time with the granddaughters as possible. Brooke and I even had a sleep over on New Years!”

Q: I understand the poignancy of taking such trips without your partner. I did on my trip to Gatlinburg ahead of Christmas, a place where Dorinda and I had our honeymoon. Can you talk about thinking about your wife on these trips, how she would have enjoyed them and how you felt she was still with you?

Jim: “More than anything, Brooke, my wife, wanted grandkids. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen until she died. So, for me, and I think for my daughter, she is with us helping to raise the kids. I try not to think how much she would have enjoyed being with Brooke and Josie and just try to love them as much as she would. Also, sometimes I have to put my mom hat on for Caroline when I know she needs to have conversation with her mom. This includes my son and sons-in laws, as they were very close to Brooke, too.”

Q: Let’s pivot back to your career — your work in industrial design. Can you recap your professional life and what inspired you to go into that field?

Jim: “In high school, I really thought I wanted to go into architecture. So, I enrolled in a community college and realized, No. 1, that I was really bad at math, and, No. 2, it seemed like a limited career choice. I discovered industrial design in an Auburn course catalog, my sister was getting a degree in interior architecture there, and I thought it looked interesting. My dad drove me to Auburn — we were living in Maryland at the time — and dropped me off to start my college career.

“My industrial design degree enabled me to take on very different roles during my career. Many outside of design. I made a significant career move by taking a job at Black & Decker in Maryland. We were living in Georgia at the time, and Caroline was going into her junior year of high school. And Brooke’s family was in Bessemer, only three hours away. This did not go over great at home! However, both Caroline and Henry benefited from the move, as they both graduated with college degrees and found jobs in New York. I often think about where they would be had we not moved. Brooke adjusted to life in Maryland, and we both fulfilled our love of being on the water by cruising the Chesapeake Bay every weekend when the weather would allow.”

Q: Finally, talk about the decision to move here and working to build a new life. When and why did y’all decide to relocate to Orange Beach and Gulf Shores area? What do you enjoy most about living here?

Jim: “Brooke’s family spent a lot of time on the Gulf Coast. Her father was an avid fisherman, and her mom enjoyed going to the beach. It was a very familiar place to both of us. Brooke’s sister also lives here, so the plan was to retire on the Gulf. Brooke and her sister were really close, and they wanted to grow old together. We found a condo in Orange Beach and were able to spend months at a time there before I retired in 2022. I was working remote. After she died, I made the decision to leave Baltimore where I was living and move full time to the Gulf. Fulfilling the plan we had made together. I really enjoy being close to the water for boating and the ability to do outside activities year-round. In addition, I have gotten involved in several volunteer groups with the goal of giving back to the community.

“Brooke and I had been together for over 40 years. After we were married, we immediately started a family. There really wasn’t a time that we weren’t raising kids. Even into their later years. I am very thankful for her partnership in ensuring they were successful not only growing up but finding loving partners in their lives. I miss her every day. And I go about my days as if she is here making sure I do the right things! WWBD = What Would Brooke Do?”

Jim and I aren’t alone.

I’ll end this column the same way it began, with another quote Jim shared with me. This one is from Thomas Lynch, a writer and funeral director from Detroit, Michigan.

“We get no choice. If we love, we grieve.”

Jim Watson with his wife, Brooke, during a 2017 vacation in Hawaii. (Photo courtesy of Jim Watson)

Jim with his two granddaughters, Josie and Brooke, during a November visit in Amsterdam. (Photo courtesy of Jim Watson)