Beach dreams: ‘I am grateful’ (12-5-25)

“… Dreams of loneliness, Like a heartbeat drives you mad, In the stillness of remembering what you had, And what you lost, And what you had …”

-       Fleetwood Mac, “Dreams”

The above song is one of my favorites by Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac. I can close my eyes and hear Stevie singing it. If you’re of a certain age, I’m sure you can, too.

This column touches on dreams and one woman I met on the beach who helped me understand a dream I had about Dorinda soon after losing her. Dorinda was talking to me and it seemed so real. But only just the one time. More on that dream later.

I met Susan Blackwell one morning as I sat on a Gulf Shores beach watching the sunrise. I was listening to music and taking pictures of another glorious morning sky. Susan was walking and stopped to talk with me. She said she had seen me alone on the beach a few mornings and wondered if we had a similar story.

We did.

Susan lost her husband, Ronnie, to cancer in 2024. They had been married 52 years and had 10 children. I lost my wife, Dorinda, to cancer in April. We would have been married 39 years next month. And like the Blackwells, we had planned on retiring to Gulf Shores. They did retire here, together, from Louisiana for a short time before Ronnie Blackwell died.

This place is where they wanted to be.

“It was not hard for either Ronnie or I to move to where we had always dreamed of living – Gulf Shores,” she said. “At our 50th wedding anniversary we announced to all our children and friends that the house was going up for sale and we were headed to Alabama. That was in 2022.

“Our only regret was not doing it sooner. We had the best life here, with daily walks on the beach: either sunrise or sunset and every day just sitting together on the beach. We also tried to eat our lunch at some different location around all the nature trails, beaches and parks almost every day. If the weather didn't permit that we would try a new restaurant. We had a wonderful 18 months before he was diagnosed with cancer. Three months later he was gone. But God was good and the kids all arranged to be here for the last two months, so we got to really be with them and the grandchildren.”

We wound up talking for a good while that September morning, sharing stories of our journey through cancer with our spouses, stories about navigating life alone and stories about Gulf Shores.

Susan and Ronnie Blackwell started coming to Gulf Shores regularly in 1983, staying in a pop-up camper at the Gulf State Park Campground.

“We only had four children for that first campout, and we continued coming several times a year for the next 32 years and with six more children, upgrading to an RV the last few years,” she said. “We always dreamed of retiring early and full time RVing. We knew that if we ever had the chance to move it would be to Gulf Shores.”

Gulf Shores became a second home for the Blackwells and their children. And then it became home when they moved here in 2022.

“So many great memories of camping and exploring all the great nature trails, Eagle nest, and so many different beaches,” Susan said. “But our favorite was the Gulf State Park Pavilion and beach. We were regulars there, sometimes more than once a month!  And sometimes for a whole month when we were homeschooling. We also attended Our Lady of the Gulf Catholic church for Sunday mass and some week days as well. So, it truly felt like home.”

Even though she is without her husband, Susan still has close connections to family here now. Two of her sons moved to Gulf Shores when their dad got sick and decided to stay. And her other children and grandchildren find their way to the beach often.

“Our large family is spread all over the U.S., but they all manage to come fairly often and enjoy all Gulf Shores has to offer,” Susan said. “I have to keep a special calendar for who's coming when, but then they like to overlap as well. I also travel to them for the grandkids’ special events. So, it’s really rare for me to be alone.

“My grandchildren come often and are very familiar with our activities at the library and the museum. And we still FaceTime a lot when they are not here. My children from New Orleans, Metairie and Baton Rouge get here more frequently than the rest, but even the ones in New York, D.C. and Kansas get here when they can or fly me up to them for events.”

But there is still the part of missing her husband, being without him after so many years together. That was one of the things we talked about that morning on the beach, how life is different now.

“As you already know, missing a whole part of yourself, your other half, is something that is always there,” she said. “I am not sad, and I certainly am not lonely. But I really miss my Ronnie. Walking the beach, I am grateful for him getting us here and for all the days that we did have together.”

With the holidays approaching, I asked Susan her advice on getting through those times for anyone who is missing a loved one. Her answer – being around family.

“That first Thanksgiving, my apartment was overflowing with family, some stayed a week! My daughters had me come visit them for a few weeks around my birthday to brighten my world and three of my sons planned and paid for an extensive ‘tour’ for Christmas. My oldest son and his wife booked us flights and bus trips and we traveled to visit my other children and their families. I was busy all of December into the first week of January.  

“So, I didn't have the sadness of decorating by myself or hanging ornaments we had collected over our 52 years. It was a little melancholy, but not sad. And being with grandchildren around Christmas is the best medicine.”

And living at the beach is pretty good medicine, too. The Blackwells loved island time – no rush, no hurry, just happy. In other words, a dream.

“I would have never thought I would actually LIVE here!,” she said. “It is so beautiful and peaceful. I do try to walk the beach most mornings before I go to mass. I also like to sit out on the beach, either alone or with anyone who is visiting. I just enjoy the waves, birds and watching children play. I also like the open music concerts, or walking the sidewalk by the Hang Out when the bands are playing.”

She said the most important thing to keep her going without her husband is knowing she was blessed to have all that they had for so long.

“I am grateful. And when a song or picture brings a tear, I just let them flow, but at the same time thank God for giving me Ronnie in my life to have these precious memories. I know He has me here for something, I just surrender to Him each day and live where my feet are.”

Oh yes, back to my dream. It only lasted a minute. As clear as day, Dorinda told me she had so much to show me, soon, and how beautiful it was there. Susan believes that was God’s way of letting me know everything would be OK.

Dreams.

Susan and Ronnie Blackwell on the beach together in 2016. (Photo courtesy of Susan Blackwell)

The Blackwells together on the beach. (Photo courtesy of Susan Blackwell.)